SHINGLES?!?! WTF?!?!

Ah, I have shingles! Awful. They suck and I only have them mildly BUT they are on my eye.

I am pretty sure that it's because of the detox. There is no other reason for it. SO I am upping my veggies even more with red peppers, garlic and parsely in my salad to boost the immune system.

I am also using some homeopathic remedies and putting breast milk in my eye. It seems to be working. I am trying really hard not to use any anti viral medications because that's the very stuff I am detoxing from. Those and the anti biotics.

So I will let you know how I get on. So far, so good. I am getting some well deserved rest tonight and Daddy is on Henry duty for middle of the night feeds. I am hoping the detox is nearly over so my immune system bolsters itself and fights this horrible stuff off!! 

Day 5

ok- so the cravings are slightly less. I definitely need to up my veggie intake. All I have been eating is protein and more protein. I am starting to feel better. It's a weird feeling because I don't think I have ever felt well. I have always been sluggish and sleepy. Last night I slept well and today I feel clearer mentally. My stomach isn't bloated and I've lost 2.5 lbs in 5 days! I was at a meeting today where they had sausage rolls, quiches, chocolate cake and fruit juice and although I was starving, I wasn't tempted to cheat at all.

I know this diet is working already. I have never been able to say that before. I am excited to see what's going to happen next! :) 

Day 3.

UGH. I want want want sugar. I want it now!!! I can't stomach the idea of eating anything green so I have been living off of butternut squash, eggs, unsmoked bacon, lemon juice and water, quinoa, yeast free Rye bread and limited potatoes. I need to eat some green veg because I know I need the vitamins.

I would kill for a shot glass of fruit juice right now OR a chocolate chip! haha. I know that this will subside in a few days and my taste buds will actually change but right now it's hard.

My energy is kind of crap at the moment (even more crap than normal). I feel REALLY fuzzy headed and just want to go to bed right now (it's 8:15 p.m.). Thank goodness mum is here to help with Henry as it's the weekend because I just don't have it in me to entertain him at the moment.

The one good thing is that I find that I really think about food now before I eat it. Since there is nothing to eat that I am craving- I just don't eat. Normally after dinner I would eat a bowl of ice cream or have something chocolatey no matter how full I was. I do feel hungry all of the time but I think it's in my head.

Let's hope this clears in a few a days!!!! Thanks for the support :)

the herbalist and the diet.

So I went to the herbalist today and she confirmed what I thought; I have a candida issue. Basically it's when the yeast in your body mutates to its fungal form and creates havoc. Utter havoc.

I have been symptomatic for my whole life- as long as I can remember. It stems from eating a poor diet, taking antibiotics and being on birth control. The symptoms for me are: damaged thyroid, obesity, lethargy, exhaustion, thrush, fuzzy head, and a rampant skin condition. Fun.

So I went to see the herbalist today and she did some crazy Kinesthology stuff and basically found that I have a major candida issue but also have issues with dairy. The result: I am going to have to give up A LOT of food. I know I should focus on what I can eat and the positive results that will happen but I am still a little daunted by the list of foods that I simply can't eat- at least for a while.

Right now I am eating a takeaway pizza and drinking some elderflower cordial. It's my last supper if you will. As of tomorrow I will no longer be able to eat: wheat, dairy, seeds, nuts, fruit, SUGAR, alcohol, anything fermented, or anything with yeast.

WOW. So I will be eating meat, eggs, fish, vegetables, (no sweet potatoes!!! ahhhh), brown rice (in moderation), potatoes (in limited moderation), and quinoa.

Hopefully my energy levels should show up finally on this diet and obviously the weight will fall off. Those are the two motivators. I will update on my progress because I really want to keep track of how my body responds to this. Hopefully some of you will want to know as well :)

Right, off to bed!! 

Gluten free and Nourishing Traditions

It's been a while. I was home for 6 weeks and then I needed a little time to settle in back in the UK. While I was in the States, I tried my very best to eat well but found that it was extremely difficult to succeed. The cost of food out there is RIDICULOUS. I was in shock. To be honest, it wasn't even that great of quality either. So, I am VERY happy to be back in the UK and in the garden of England.


As a result of overindulging in American food, my skin condition (hidradenitis suppurativa) has gone completely awry. I was in agony due to the heat and the food overloading my system. I have now taken it upon myself to do some research into various causes for the disease and it seems that it is likely an autoimmune response to gluten and other not so nutritious foods that most people eat on a daily basis.

So I have decided to go gluten free and revamp my eating habits using recipes from the book, Nourishing Traditions. I will blog my journey through the recipes. The difficult part is not being able to eat any wheat flours. I find myself overwhelmed with the 6 different kinds of flour you use instead of just using wheat flour. I am not a terrific baker anyway and feel that I will never be able to accomplish baking again!

The first recipe I chose from the book was beef stock because it didn't involve any flour and is essential to a lot of the other recipes in the book. I must admit that I am very squeamish when it comes to animal bones but I got over it pretty quickly thanks to my lovely butcher offering to saw them up to fit in my stock pot. The end result is pretty tasty and according to the book is full of minerals and gelatin and all sorts of lovely fats that will help my body heal from the traditional modern diet.

I am also giving up refined sugar. I am trying to get my sweet tooth under control. It had free reign in America and I am paying for it with unbearable sugar cravings.

So, I have been gluten free for a week as of today. I have lost 6 pounds. I am still undergoing the detoxing and therefore am a bit lethargic and my skin is breaking out a lot. I have been told that it can take months for the skin to heal. I am more than willing to do this if my skin will get under control. I have learned so much from reading the book about the things we put into our bodies without even realising the effects they can have on it.

I will keep you all posted on how my journey is going and I will take some pictures along the way with my fancy new camera! My next recipe is to make cream cheese and whey from biodynamic yogurt. Whey is another essential ingredient in a lot of the recipes in the book. Lactofermenting really freaks me out but I am willing to give it a go! :)

it's been 2 months.

Agh, where does the time go? Seriously? I have been away from here for the last two months because I was busy writing the newsletter for the national charity that I am involved with. It is becoming a bit all encompassing and I am looking forward to the six week holiday I will be taking to go home at the end of June. 

For the first time in three years, I will be staying at my childhood house. I haven't really lived there since 2003 and it will be very strange to once again be living there. I have always avoided it because it reminds me too much of my Mom and it made me sad. I think that with the counselling I have received this year, it will be a good thing to go back and face my fears and sadness. I am slowly emerging from this hole that I have been surrounding myself with for the past nearly nine years. It is hard, so hard, to come to grips with the fact that I need to let my mother's hold over me go. I held onto it in fear that if I did let go then I would lose her somehow- that that piece of her would be gone forever. Becoming a mother has really showed me that I am my own person and that it's ok to not always wonder what my mother would think about my life. 

Today is her birthday so I guess she is on my mind. I had no intentions of writing something so serious when I opened up this page. 

On a lighter note, I am really excited to be able to be home for a longer period of time. I can't believe that it's nearly Henry's birthday. I can't believe how far we have come in a year. This time last year I had no idea how all encompassing raising a child would be. I also had no idea how much love a person can have for another human being. I can't imagine my life without Henry. It is surreal to think that there was a time when I didn't know him. I am so glad he chose me to be his mummy. 

I also am hoping to get a new camera when I am home this summer so I can properly document his life. These random iPhone shots just aren't doing him any justice.

It's easy being green.

So what if I stole my title from Bethany's photo album on facebook- I like it :)

The truth is that it IS easy (and cheap) to be green. My newest obession is soap nuts and they are both cheap and easy to use. These things are amazing. They are the dried fruit of the soap nut tree and they contain a substance called saponin. This magical saponin cleans things: everything to be exact.

The first thing I did was throw 6 nuts into the muslin bag provided and wash my laundry as normal. (It was just my sheets so I didn't really care how they came out.) They came out clean but there was no smell which I found highly unnerving so I went for a walk and bought some lemongrass essential oil. I then learned all about grinding soap nuts into a powder and putting them into a sock with the essential oils. I also added 2T of vinegar and 2T of baking soda to the drawer. My clothes came out AMAZINGLY clean and smelled nice too. The soap nuts even got the nappies clean and soft!! yay! :)

The next thing I decided to do was to make the soap nut liquid. You take 15 or so soap nuts and boil them in a litre of water for 30 minutes or so (I use spring water as I have yucky hard water which ruins everything). You then strain the soap nuts and are left with a golden soapy liquid! This can be used to clean your surfaces, be made into a shampoo or hand soap. My only issue is that I like suds and this liquid doesn't sud. Therefore, I am going to buy a foaming soap pump for my shampoo and hand soap. I must say that the liquid got my hair much cleaner than the baking soda fiasco from a few weeks ago! I also froze a lot of the liquid into cubes that I will be able to use as laundry detergent. I simply pop 3-4 cubes into the drum and then add my vinegar and baking soda combination!

My other "green" obsession is coconut oil. This needs to be the refined coconut oil. It is a but pricy but you can use it for EVERYTHING. I use it as my moisturiser (it smells AMAZING) and I have made toothpaste out of it. (Coconut oil + baking soda + peppermint oil = toothpaste!) I also cook with and eat the coconut oil. It tastes amazing when I make chicken korma. I throw two tablespoons into my smoothies to make it creamy and coconutty! It's awesome. It is supposed to help you lose weight as well so it's a win-win situation!

So at the moment, the only chemicals I use are the ones in my makeup and I use that sparingly. I need to find some good, chemical free makeup. Does anyone have any suggestions??

update

So apparently no poo + hard water = HELL for your hair. UGH. Stupid hard water!!!! So, I am ordering some soap nuts and am going to make shampoo out of that. Now I am waiting for them to arrive. I am still no poo on everything else but the shampoo and conditioner. They are both JASON which I thought was super great since there is no sodium laureth sulfate but on Skin Deep it got a 6 which is pretty hazardous. UGH.

I will update when I get my soap nuts. I plan on using them for EVERYTHING :).

NO POO

Alrighty, I am on day two of being "poo" free. and my hair is a GREASY mess right now with the detox going on. UGH. For those of you that have no idea what I am talking about; let me explain.  I have stopped using any chemicals in the shower. (I am working on the makeup...) I have started washing my hair with baking soda and apple cider vinegar.

So far, so greasy. It apparently takes your body a while to adjust to this no poo routine. While you use shampoos, you strip your hair of its natural oils. Your scalp then overproduces oils to make up for this. When you stop using shampoo, you need a bit of time for your body to figure out what's going on and stop producing all the excess oils. Hence my pony tail and greasy mess of a head even when I have just stepped out of the shower. I can't wait until the promised time comes when I will have beautiful hair that needs to be washed once a week. Ahhhhhh I am dreaming of it right now!

I am also not using toothpaste anymore. I am making my own with coconut oil, baking soda and peppermint essential oil. It works great. I am also making a body scrub with olive oil and brown sugar. (I have been doing this one for years as I just love olive oil on my skin!) I just read about a face wash with olive oil and castor oil. You mix the two together and apply it to your face. Then you get a hot wash cloth and just steam the oils and wipe away at the end of a minute. I will let you know how I get on with this one.

It seems as I have jumped off the deep end but I just can't stand spending loads of money on those so called "natural" body products that don't even work that well. I have been spending £5.99 for shampoo for the last year. It still has some pretty nasty stuff in it. I ran out of shampoo this week so decided to take the plunge! I also love the satisfaction of using every day things to make products that work really well; I feel so self sufficient!! I plan on using these on Henry as well so that this is the norm and he doesn't have to "de-tox" at the age of 29. It makes me cringe to think about all of the chemicals I have exposed myself to over the years (hello- smoking cigarettes?!?!?! yuck!)

So- I will keep you updated on my no poo transition. If you have any questions, I have lots of links bookmarked! And if you see me- yes I have showered today ;)

babywearing

Firstly, I have taken a look at my life and realised that I am on the internet WAY TOO MUCH. I have cut down to one hour at night and occasionally during the day if Henry is asleep and all my "chores" are done. So I may not be around as much.

Secondly, I just read a brilliant article on babywearing and I would like to write a post about it. I am OBSESSED with wearing my child. I love everything about it. I don't remember how I came to decide when I was pregnant that I wanted to wear my baby but I know that at 17 weeks pregnant I bought my first wrap.

We all know that my birth was less than ideal. I had a slow physical recovery and could barely walk for the first few weeks. As a result, I used my stroller/pushchair/pram (whatever you want to call it!). I was gutted that I couldn't just pop the wrap on and go. I bought a cheap, second hand pram off of eBay because I knew deep down inside that using a pram just wasn't going to be my style.

I entered my postpartum days with a hybrid wrap called a "papoozle" made in Scotland by the Tots Bots company. I also bought an Ergo second hand at the recommendation of my friend. The papoozle didn't offer my newborn enough support and the Ergo felt too open and stiff for him. So I bought my beloved Moby wrap and it was love at first wrap. I used this wrap nearly every day for six months. I wore him at home when he was fussy and out for walks. I wore him when we went out to dinner or to the pub. He went everywhere with me and was always so happy and calm. I liked having my hands free and my baby within kissing distance. The Moby and I were a match made in heaven.

I decided that I wanted to try a few other kinds of carriers and bought a cheap mei tai and a babasling. Neither of them did it for me the way the Moby did. I knew though, that eventually Henry was going to get too heavy for me to use the Moby so I planned ahead and bought a Didymos woven wrap. Oh my goodness. This wrap is like a diamond for most women. My husband bought it for me on my birthday trip to Germany. It cost about £100 (more than my engagement ring!!! haha) and is way more than I would normally spend on anything baby-related but I am not ready to stop wearing him!

Two weeks ago the inevitable happened. I was about to leave my house and little Mr. Strong Baby took both of his shoulders and got himself out of the wrap. That was the end of the Moby. It was such a sad day for me. I then pulled out the didymos and had a go. The learning curve for woven wraps is a bit intimidating as you need to actually hold the baby and wrap the wrap around him BUT this leads to an amazingly tight and sturdy carry. It is brilliant. He is so secure and so happy in it and my back feels much better!! :)

So back to the article that I read today. It is great! It validates how I have felt about carrying my baby. I will include it at the end but just wanted to mention why I like it so much. As a babywearer you sometimes get some rude looks or comments. A few of my favourites are: "You are ruining his spine by wearing him like that. There is not enough support." OR "He is squished in there- poor child."I would like to print this article out and read it to them. I also encountered a lot of strange looks from my family members when I was home for Christmas. They soon understood when Henry would drift happily to sleep or calm right down in it. He has been in his pram a few times. Daddy and Grammie usually take him out in it and when I don't have any trousers washed and need to wear a dress- he goes in the pram! (Luckily it doesn't happen too often).

So, have a read of the article. Babywearing is an amazing bonding experience that I hope to continue for as long as possible.

Awesome babywearing article. It takes you to the middle of the article. You need to scroll up :)

Here are some pictures of me, Daddy and Grandpa wearing Henry!

Moby

Ergo

Grandpa with the Ergo

Daddy with the Ergo

Moby

Didymos hip carry

Information overload Part II.

Ok- the other one was getting wordy but this is actually the original topic I wanted to write about so thought it would be better to give it its own post. 

It all boils down to the fact that there is so much information available to us. I am a member of a website called babycenter. It's basically a big chat room type site with different groups to suit your needs. I started looking around on there and found all of these "crunchy" and hippy mama groups. This was so up my ally and I started to go nuts researching all of the different ways I can make my life more natural. I also found myself joining all of these natural parenting pages on facebook. These pages give you links to visit or links for other blogs that give you even more links to visit and so on. It's endless. The information is literally endless and I am overwhelmed. 

Just for fun I will tell you about my internet searches for the day. They are in no order, just what I can remember. (Don't forget refreshing babycenter and facebook all day...)

* I am recovering from the stomach flu so I was searching ways to naturally cure diarrhea. (fun times).

* I bought some Dr. Bronner's soap so was researching just how to use it, which then led me to amazon.co.uk looking for Dr. Bronner's hair conditioner.

* I was on amazon.co.uk looking for coconut oil which then led me to look up how to use the coconut oil again.

* I was looking up how to make a natural bathroom cleaner which led me to look up natural laundry detergent and information about soap nuts.

* I was looking up how to go "poo free" which then led me to look up natural cosmetics and then information about how to make my hard water soft.

* I was looking up organic babyfood and what Henry should be eating which then led me to a thyorid diet which then led me to want to eat only locally grown vegetables and things in season... 

The problem is that I will go onto babycenter or something similar and realise that I am no where near natural enough and then overload myself with information on how to make myself more natural. The other issue with babycenter or the leakyboob or those sites is that I want to help my fellow mamas so I am on there trying my best! Plus my real life friends need me too!

Then there is the issue of my facebook pages. I love them- don't get me wrong, but they are constantly giving me new things to think about and articles to read. So then I research about circumcision or vaccinations or something esle. It's endless people and it's overhwelming. Part of me longs for the days of reading a book at my Mom's house while she shake and baked some pork chops and then cleaned up with fantastic spray. I, of course, want to live better BUT it sure is information overload out there.

Then there is the problem of the fact that my husband and I are sitting here side by side with him on his stupid iPad and me on my laptop with the telly going in the background. What kind of example are we setting for Henry? I think I am going to have to impose some sort of information and technology de-tox. 

I want to do so many life and diet de-toxes that I just don't even know where to begin... ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

Information overload Part I.

Somedays I really just want to shut down my iPhone or my laptop. It is amazing how dependent I have become on having the internet at my fingertips. As recently as 2005 I was still checking my e-mail at school because I was too poor to afford the internet at home. 

I used to happily log on to MySpace and then facebook to see what my friends were up to, then check my email and occasionally check the weather. That was it. I moved on from there to paying all of my bills online and getting my bank statements e-mailed to me. From there I started buying and selling things on amazon.com and using google instead of an encyclopedia. Even this amount of use was acceptable. I had a PC at the time so I had to be home and sitting at my desk. I worked full time and was still a student so I didn't have a lot of free time. 

Then I moved away from home and the facebook addiction started. I was on there constantly as I didn't have very many friends here in the UK and desparately missed my life back home.  I also had a laptop for the first time in my life and was able to be online and in my bed! Then I learned about multiple tabs and would seach the internet for lesson plans, news at home, anything else besides doing actual work- all while being on facebook. This was pretty bad but the pinnacle of my internet addiction was when I got my BELOVED iPhone. 

Oh iPhone, how you have changed my life. I no longer need to turn the telly on or a read a book when I can't sleep and wake up my husband. I no longer need two hands to search the internet while nursing my baby. (It really did save my life while nursing though...) I am on my phone all. the. time. I can use it everywhere. I no longer need to wonder about anything because together my iPhone and google can answer all of life's great questions. 

The problem is that I am a curious person by nature. I like to research EVERYTHING. It got really bad when I found out I was pregnant. I would sit there for hours researching every pregnancy symptom known to man. Then I needed to look up things to buy for the baby. Then I needed to research all about cloth nappies. Then I joined babycenter and was on there talking to other moms-to-be about our daily problems. It's only gotten progressively worse since I had the baby. I wonder where I find the time to even go online. I am up way after he goes to sleep just sitting here seeing if people are going to tell me about their dinner or work that day. It's becoming a serious problem... I honestly think I am addicted to the internet. I can't imagine a day without it. This is a serious problem and one that I am hoping clears up when the weather becomes better and I can go outside. If not- I might need to fast! 

What I like about England.

So I tend to rant and rave about all of the things I hate about England. I pretty much do this daily to my poor husband who listens patiently to me attack his homeland. England has his faults like any other place in the world but there are some pretty amazing things about living here that I am not ready to give up. 

1. National Health Care: I had insurance on the day I landed in this country. I have had insurance for the past two years that I haven't been working. All of my prenatal care, my attempted homebirth and my hospital birth were all covered. I didn't have to pay a thing. If anything goes seriously wrong I will receive excellent care FOR FREE. I will never go bankrupt because I can't afford my medical bills. 

2. Proximity to the Continent: I can be in France in under 2 hours of driving. That also means that I can take a short flight to anywhere in Europe. It's also relatively inexpensive to fly to Europe so I can go multiple times a year!


3. I can walk everywhere: I can walk to the doctor's office, three supermarkets, hair dresser, chemist, children's centre, train station, swimming pool,  beauty salon, tiny movie theatre, numerous cafes, restaurants and FIFTEEN pubs. 


4. Buying local is SO easy: My town has a few butchers, an artisan bakery, basic bakeries, and a gourmet food centre with local and international food as well as a market on Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. 


5. History: England is so full of history. The house I used to live in was built in 1450. There are cathedrals and castles at every turn. It's like a wonderland of historical treasure! :) 


6. The food here tastes better: The chocolate is AMAZING. I can't even begin to eat American chocolate. The milk doesn't have any added chemicals and it tastes so much better. The cheese is from Cheddar and it is delicious!! The bread is not loaded with sugar and tastes much better too. The butter is fresh and made with one ingredient! The produce is from up the road and fresh. The meat doesn't have any chemicals and is locally grown as well. It just tastes cleaner and fresher than in the States! 


7. The BBC: There are channels on the T.V. and on the radio that have NO adverts. Awesome. 


So there you have it- there are some things that I really like about living here!!


I apologise if this doesn't read as smoothly as usual. My mother in law decided to talk to me throughout the entire composition! :) 

Macknades 
butchers 
bakery 
Canterbury Cathedral
MY TOWN! 

MY confessions as a mother.

This one is for Bethany. :)

1. My baby frustrates me. He doesn't mean to but he does. When he gets up every two hours ALL NIGHT LONG I don't find it cute, I find it annoying. It was OK when he was a newborn but I am over it. (That being said, I still show up for every cry and usually feed him... he is pretty cute...)

2. I spend most of my mornings alternating between napping and feeding Henry in bed. That way there I get some much needed sleep. Most days we don't go out of bed until 11. 

3. I am tired. ALL. THE. TIME. Even when he sleeps and we nap together, I am tired. 

4. I still do not fit into ANY of my pre-pregnancy jeans and very few of my pre-pregnancy tops. 

5.  My baby rarely wears outfits. I am lazy so he lives in sleep suits. 
 
6. I will use eco friendly disposable nappies rather than do a cloth nappy wash sometimes. 

7. I will put Henry in his pram instead of wearing him solely depending on whether or not my outfit is conducive to babywearing.

8. I would rather my husband give Henry pumped milk in the middle of the night just so I don't have to get out bed. I am awake, I am just that lazy. 


9. I NEED time to myself. I need to go out with other adults sometimes. I did it for the first time tonight and it was amazing. I felt so good to not have a huge diaper bag or a 20 pound car seat to lug around. 


10. I also NEED help. I need someone to help with the cleaning and the cooking and the laundry. I am not supermum and I don't mind admitting it!


To quote Bethany: "I just wish more moms opened up and talked about the mistakes we make and the mishaps that have happened to us. I wish we'd quit feeling mommy guilt and take a real, honest look at how we're all (mostly) just trying to do our best." I couldn't have said it better!!

Birth story.

I am lazy so here is my birth story :) 

It's long..............
Henry’s birth story
08.08.10 12:30- Philip and I are at a bag pipe event two hours away from home because I figured the baby was never going to actually come out! I then go to the bathroom and realise that I have had a bloody show. I decide to wait for contractions before leaving the event.
08.08.10 23:30- I decide to go to bed as I only got four hours sleep the night before. Unfortunately I start having a bad stomach ache that feels like bad gas. They don’t seem to be coming in any pattern but they are definitely coming and going. I have a poorly stomach all night and the pains don’t go away.
09.08.10 morning- My midwife shows up during the few minutes of sleep that I manage to get that morning. She is supposed to give me a sweep but decides to do it later so I can hopefully get some sleep in case I am in labour. (Doesn’t happen...)
09.09.10 13:30- My midwife comes back to do a sweep. She examines me at the same time and we realise that I am 5 cm dilated!!! WOW. I really hadn’t had any strong contractions, just slight tightenings. She decides to go about her day which I am fine with and leave me alone (Philip is in London getting some work in case today isn’t the day).
09.08.10 16:35- My midwife rings me to see how I am doing. My contractions are about 3-4 minutes apart and lasting 40-50 seconds. I have called my lovely friend Harrie over to stay with me because Philip is stuck in traffic!!!!! Bless her, she just had a baby the week before and she was brilliant. She set me up with my tens machine and I bounced on the birth ball.
09.08.10 17:40- Philip is home!! YAY. I am still contracting every 3-4 minutes and lasting 40-50 seconds. We decide I can go into the birth pool as I am still coping well. Another vaginal exam shows that I am 7 cm dilated and fully effaced. I can get in the pool!! My friend Rachel comes over as well for support!
09.08.10 18:00- 20:00- I continue to contract well and they are getting stronger. I decide that now would be a good time for me to make use of all that gas and air they brought!! I also decide that it would be a good idea to video skype my Dad!
09.08.10 20:50- The second midwife shows up with more gas and air! I am starting to feel some pressure at the height of the contractions and things look like they are progressing really well.
09.08.10 22:45- The contractions are starting to make me want to push. I am still coping with gas and air and am breathing through them. My MW decides to do another vaginal exam to see what is going on. She finds a thick anterior lip of my cervix and decides to rupture my waters. When she breaks my waters she sees that there is meconium and I will now need to be transferred to hospital via ambulance .
09.08.10 23:11- The ambulance arrives. I put on a bathrobe and dry myself off. I am desperately clinging to the gas and air mask as I do not want to be transferred and would like to be as high as possible!!! The ride is pretty tough and my poor MW has to hold my bump the entire time. It takes about 30 minutes to get there but being strapped to a stretcher when you want to push and can’t makes it feel like a year!!
09.08.10 23:45- I arrive at the hospital after sucking down an entire canister of gas and air and am well out of it! The first thing I ask for at the hospital is an assisted delivery.
10.08.10 0:00- I consent to having a vaginal exam and they find that I am fully dilated but have a lot of meconium in my waters. I still feel the need to push and try to do so desperately. I can’t find a comfortable position to save my life and am in a lot of pain from the ambulance ride over. I try to lean on the sink and then try to crawl on the bed on all fours but nothing is working. My contractions are extremely painful and I am getting really tired.
10.08.10 00:35-They perform an ultrasound on me to see which way the baby is lying. It is discovered that baby is back to back with his face sunny side up. That is very discouraging to me and further spurs me on for my desire to have an epidural. I am pretty sure I start begging for one at this point because I am very disappointed that I am in hospital, on my back and having no luck with pushing. (OK so maybe I am begging for a c-section as I just want baby out and don’t really see how it is going to happen vaginally).
10.08.10 1:00- They FINALLY call the anaesthetist.
10.08.10 1:30- The anaesthetist FINALLY shows up. That is fun. I am having back to back pushing contractions and they want me to lie still on my side with my knees up to my chest. Thanks to Mum and Philip and the MW they get me into position!! Now all the monitors start and I am stuck with all sorts of tubes. I have a catheter, a BP monitor, a foetal monitor and an IV drip giving me sintocinon (2:00). (Not exactly the home birth I had imagined!!) The epidural is a super strong one but I still feel lots of pressure.
10.08.10 2:20- They decide to half the amount of sintocinon as it is too high. I am told not to actively push as they were hoping baby would turn on his own. (Again- fun times!)
10.08.10 2:35- I request a top up as the pressure is becoming very uncomfortable again!!! (15 minutes later I get my top up.... my patience is running thin!)
10.08.10 3:00- The doctor comes in. She does a vaginal exam and sees that baby is starting to come down a little bit. They also notice even more meconium in my waters (if they only knew that’s all Henry does is poo!!!)They then tell me that baby is going to be delivered in the operating theatre with either forceps or a caesarean section. This is scary as I need to be prepped for a c-section and sign a consent form. (A FAR cry from my nice home birth!)
I am at least told that I can push with my contractions and I do so to the best of my ability. I was hoping for some kind of miracle that the baby would just pop out on his own!! I also pray to my mother at this point for at least a forceps birth and not a c-section!!!
10.08.10 3:35- I am wheeled to the theatre. Philip is in scrubs. I notice that he looks hot in his scrubs even though I am rather scared and preoccupied.
10.08.10 3:43- Epidural topped up. (THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!)
10.08.10 3:47- They do that one two three push me onto the other bed thing and then strap me into these ski boot stirrups. VERY uncomfortable. It is super bright and there are FIFTEEN people in there. I feel like a wounded animal at the mercy of all these people. Thank goodness that Philip could be at my side the whole time. Mum had to stay in the other room.
10.08.10 3:54-After 4 pushes with a lot of help from good old Keillands forceps Henry William Mason is welcomed into the world at 8 lbs 12 oz YAY. I feel loads of pain when they are pulling him out and am so relieved that he is crying and appears to be completely unaffected by the meconium. They put him down on my belly and I give him a kiss but I can’t really hold him due to the position I am in. He goes to be with Philip
10.08.10 3:59-4:45- I deliver the placenta and all that good stuff and am sewn up for the next 45 minutes........ FUN TIMES!!!! I can feel pretty much everything even though they keep shooting me with local anaesthetic. They keep telling me it will only be another 5 minutes but I know that they are lying. The nice anaesthetist holds my hand as Philip is holding Henry (and has gone next door to show a very anxious Grammie that all is well!)
10.08.10 4:45- I FINALLY get to hold my baby boy and have cuddles.

Mom.

This post is dedicated to my mother. She passed away on the 14th of December at the age of 46. I was 21. 


Becoming a mother is the most amazing thing I have ever done in my entire life. It isn't until you have a baby that you realise what a miracle it is. I mean I grew a human in my body. It is mind boggling when you think of the journey the baby makes from a few cells to a full grown Henry. 


It has also been the most emotional thing I have ever done. I never knew I even had these emotions until I had my baby. It brings up everything you have ever known about life and just turns it upside down.  


It has also brought something very important from my past up to the surface. The life and death of my mother have been haunting me from the moment I found out I was pregnant. She was the first person I was supposed to call when I got pregnant. She was the first person I was supposed to call with all of my questions about my growing belly and changing body. She was supposed to be there to share in my joy when I gave birth to her first grandson. 


But she wasn't. 


The emotional void of not having my mother during the most important event of my life has been HUGE. Every day I want to call her. I want to tell her that I know how she felt when she held Billy and me for the first time. I want to tell her that I understand why she was so worried all these years- she didn't want anything to happen to us. I know how she felt now every time I look at my baby boy. I never want anything to happen to him either.  


I want her to know her grandson and to be able to hold him and for her to be able to hold me when I am stressed or when I am so tired that I don't think I can do it anymore. 


There is just so much that goes through my mind. The last time I saw my mother I was taking care of her. Her illness was a test run to see if I could handle being a mother. She was helpless and couldn't take care of herself. I would stay awake at night making sure she was breathing, just I like I did when I brought Henry home from the hospital. I needed to find empathy, patience and energy I didn't know I had. I was exhausted and I was stressed but I was taking care of the person I loved the most in the entire world- just like I am doing now. 


This experience has also allowed me to view my mother's death from her perspective. My greatest wish in life is that I live long enough to see my children grow up. My mother had that taken away from her and I only know now how devastating that must have been for her. I only thought about how I felt when she was sick. I didn't realise how hard it must have been for her. She missed my college graduation, she missed my wedding and she missed meeting Henry.


I just wish she was here. Every single day I wish she was here. I want my child to know how amazing his grandmother was. I want my child to understand why I am the way I am. I want her to spoil him rotten like I know she would. I just wish she was here. 


I miss my Mom. 

culture shock.

You are getting two posts today because I am stuck in bed with something horrible going on with my back. AND this was my original post idea but I thought it was rude not to explain to Laura how I ended up here. :)

Here goes.

As recently as a year ago I didn't pay much thought to whether or not I would get my baby circumcised. It is the normal thing to do where I am from (MA) and I kind of wanted my baby to look the same as everyone else if and when we moved back to the States. I also was CONVINCED I was having a girl so I just really didn't give much thought to the subject.

This proved to be a very lucky turn of events for Mr. Baby. When he popped out and was a boy I just went with the flow. Here in the UK it is the norm to leave your baby in his NORMAL state. I thank my lucky stars every day that this is the case because I just defaulted the decision to let him look the way his Daddy does.

Fast forward to about a month ago. I joined all of these pages on facebook about natural parenting and breastfeeding and happened upon a few debates on the issue and decided to do my own research. What I found has shocked me and educated me on a matter that I now hold very dear to my heart. I have found that there really is no reason to circumcise any infant (male or female). In fact, in the US it is ILLEGAL to circumcise a female baby. Why the hell is it legal to circumcise a male?!?! I mean, REALLY? WHY? Obviously in the most dire of medical circumstances where the penis might fall off or something, then by all means- go for it. BUT it is very rare indeed that that might happen.

What upsets me the most is the lack of information on the subject in the States. I consider myself to be a pretty educated person but the thought of circumcision not being normal and not being at all beneficial to my baby did not even cross my mind. THIS SCARES ME. People need to think about this. This needs to be brought up over and over again. The medical profession in the US needs to stop treating routine infant circumcision as if it is no big deal. It is a very big deal. I will post some educational link but the few key facts that stick out in my head are:

1.The foreskin is extremely sensitive and especially important for sex later on in life. When you choose to cut off your baby's foreskin you are damaging his future sex life. Now, that is unfair and should not be your choice. (And from a woman's point of view- it DOES make a difference!)

2. Babies die from this procedure. LOTS of babies. Why would anyone risk death for a cosmetic procedure?

3. It is NOT your penis. Therefore you should have NO say in what happens to it. How would you feel if someone strapped you down and took something completely healthy off of your body for no reason? (Kind of repetetive from number one but, HELLO, it's NOT YOUR PENIS! This one really upsets me).

4. It is not more hygenic. It takes three seconds to clean it when you're older. Babies' foreskins don't need anything done to them at all. You clean it like a finger. It is MORE hygenic as it protects the glans from poo and pee!!

5. It doesn't protect from penile cancer or STDs. Do the reasearch. In fact, I  have done some for you and will include it at the end of this post.

6. Most of the world is full of intact men. It is NORMAL.

7. I am not a religious person and therefore don't really see that as a valid excuse to cut something off of your child's body that is supposed to be there. I have glanced over some articles that talk about the current method of circumcision being far more barbaric than what is talked about in the Bible, however.  When I have more time, I will look into it.

I am really passionate about this because it really needs to be spoken about in the US. Doctors are making money off of this. There is no other reason for it to be done. NONE! I just feel for all the men in my life who won't ever know any better because someone else made the decision for them. (I don't blame my parents or grandparents because they clearly just didn't know any better. I didn't know any better until a month ago.) I do not judge your previous actions IF you really just didn't know any better BUT now you do.

PLEASE do some research for any of your future sons! PLEASE. The only reason I wrote this post is so maybe someone will read it and take the time to do the research rather than just trust the doctors!

This is genital mutilation and it needs to stop.

My educational link: 
http://www.infocirc.org/facts.htm

And just FYI- this is my blog and therefore is my opinion (though I do back it up with facts). If you don't like it- write your own blog. If you want to say something positive, then go ahead. And by all means if you have any questions, please ask.

How I ended up here

Firstly, I am writing this from my iPhone so I will do my very best to catch any autocorrects!

This is for Laura. 

I will now give the actual story as to how I ended up here. Please keep an open mind as mine is pretty far out there (at all times).

It all started in June of 2007 when I went to visit this amazing psychic. I was teaching high school at the time but had no job for the upcoming school year. My soul was literally aching to travel (cliche- but there is no other way to explain it). I had just come back from Bermuda and was desperate to move there so I went to the psychic to see what she had to say.

Let me interrupt the story to explain that this woman is no "Madam Zelda," turban wearing, crystal ball looking, weirdo. She is a lovely woman who has an incredible gift.

Back to the story...

She told me that I'm supposed to move to England. I was pretty dismayed at this news as England is not known for its pink sand and warm weather. She also told me that my mother (dead) had a husband picked out for me and that I'll meet him before my 26th birthday. I reluctantly decided that a husband might be better than pink sand and applied to the first teaching agency that I saw online. I figured that if it was fated, then I wouldn't need to do anything else. I was right! I got a job and moved over in August of 2007. The job I got is how I met my husband- exactly one month before my 26th birthday. I knew he was the one from the first second I saw him. We were married ten months later. The end.

I literally have no idea what I am doing...

I have decided to finally put my English degree to use and write something. I am hoping it will help keep me sane during these impossibly long winter days in England. At the moment the sun rises just before 8 a.m. and sets just after 4:30 p.m. That is not enough sunshine for me! I am seriously considering taking Mr. Baby on a holiday. Eight and half hours of sunshine is just not normal. 

So I will write this even if no one reads it as talking to myself is something I tend to do all day anyway. 

This first post is more of an introduction. I hope to comment a lot on the strangeness of living and parenting in a culture that is vastly different to the one I grew up in. I also plan on writing about my daily adventures with Mr. Baby. EVERY day is an adventure and a learning experience.

I have a lot of strong views on subjects that I am passionate about. I am a total intactivist and will definitely write a whole blog about that soon. I am passionate about natural parenting and spend way too much time trying to figure out how to live my life in a more natural manner. (I can spend HOURS reading about cloth nappies/diapers and how to clean my house without using any chemicals. What did I do with my time before now?!) 

So, in closing this first post, I want to explain the title of my blog. I am originally from the States and now reside in a little medieval town in Kent, England. Pretty much daily I need to answer the question, "How did you end up here?" It is interesting because I need to think about the journey that has brought me over 3,000 miles away from my home and my family on a near daily basis. I still don't really know why I decided to move away. It was a total whim. I knew I was bored and stagnant at home and just decided to go with it. I guess it was the right decision because I ended up with a loving husband and a beautiful baby boy. It never ceases to amaze me how one decision can completely change your life. 

On that note, good night. I PRAY Mr. Baby sleeps so that I can stop being such a frazzled mess and can be nicer to my husband.